MAN ENROLLS IN ART SCHOOL IN ORDER TO CREATE “BEATABLE” VERSION OF CUPHEAD.
Fed up with dying in the popular indie game Cuphead, local man Kent Gitgud quit his job as an Equities Trader, and dedicated himself full-time to replicating the game's unique art style. Despite having no prior experience in animation or even basic line work, Mr. Gitgud remained steadfast in his commitment. He intends to re-animate the game in its entirety into a new form which he states, “caters to the needs of average gamers who don't hate themselves”.
Such changes he plans to incorporate include but are not limited to:
- Increasing the default HP limit to 99
- Giving the player access to every charm and weapon upgrade in the game and allowing them to use them all simultaneously.
- Allowing the player to parry all pink attacks automatically, upon which your super meter will instantly be fully charged.
Mr. Gitgud came to this decision after a 24-hour gaming marathon during which he destroyed no less than 7 controllers, 4 televisions, 2 X-Box One consoles and approximately $3,500 worth of fine china. During one of several trips to the nearby electronics store to replace his broken hardware he reportedly drove his car through the front wall of his house. Passerby’s recalled seeing the man stumble from his ruined vehicle feverishly ranting about “King Dice” leading many of them to incorrectly assume he had a gambling addiction.
We interviewed one of Mr. Gitguds neighbors in order to ask whether such behavior was commonplace;
“Absolutely, I didn’t think anything of it. You should have seen him when Dark Souls 3 came out! He went into the center of town and threatened to self-immolate unless Hidetaka Miyazaki issued a personal apology to him!”
Mr. Gitgud confidently stated that he plans to sue Studio MDHR for the damages inflicted, both physical and emotional, and that he plans to use the settlement to pay for his education. When asked to comment, a representative from Studio MDHR stated that in a gesture of good faith they offered to begin a Kickstarter campaign to raise the money themselves. We questioned why they would make such an offer to someone who is essentially trying to plagiarize their game,
“Honestly, we just sort of felt bad for the guy. I mean have you seen his art school application portfolio? We have our doubts that anyone will be mistaking Mr. Gitguds product with that of our own.”
During our time with Mr. Gitgud we also asked him on whether he would be taking programming classes as well at which point we discovered he was blissfully unaware of this stage in game development. He seemed to be under the impression that all he needed to do was draw the characters and levels and that “the computer just does the rest”.
More on this story as it develops.